Last week, I explained to you what our journey feels like. Now I’ll tell you what it actually is:
We are ADOPTING!
So, if you care to read it, here’s the story... prologue and all:
I never thought I wanted more than two kids. I grew up in a house with two kids. All of my cousins have come in sets of two. My marriage is a set of two. I have two hands... It just made sense to me. Two is manageable. Two is enough, isn’t it?
Then God called me to that wide gravel path; the perfect place to find a new direction and think it over for a while. I was reading a fictional novel that was centered on a girl in the foster care system. And while this book was a work of fiction, it haunted me that many of the issues this child was facing are a reality in the lives of others. I thought, This is something we could do. We could be a light in a child’s life through foster care. Andy and I talked about it, and excitedly agreed that we could offer a great foster home to children in need when our two boys have grown and gone.
Feeling at peace with this slow plan, we buried it in a time capsule to be opened in 2021. Or, I should say, we thought we did. As the months passed, God kept reminding me of this call, this need that He had positioned us to meet. At the same time, He pointed out my own needs and desires that would be met in His plan.
On April 25th, Christine Caine was preaching at our church. At one point in her message, she was speaking of a girl who had been rescued from human trafficking. This girl looked Christine in the eye and asked her, “Why didn’t you come sooner?” When Christine spoke those words, it felt as though a lightning bolt had struck my heart. What are we waiting for? Why should we wait? Because it will be “easy” when the boys are grown? How many times has God called me to do what is easy?
Never.
It is an understatement to say that I was rattled. Satan seized the opportunity to get in my head. I can’t remember whether or not I told Andy about the lightning bolt. If I told him, I’m sure my speech lacked any recognizable confidence. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t particularly want to hear what God was saying, so I turned inward. I felt very alone.
Months passed.
But God did not leave me. He continued to press me, repeatedly bringing these hurting children to the forefront of my mind. God worked on me to bring the desire of my heart in line with His. I knew exactly what God was telling me to do, but I wondered why He was only telling ME. I prayed that He would communicate this plan to Andy as well, and I imagined a magnificent moment when it would all come together… But it didn’t. I prayed that God would reach in and change Andy’s heart, that Andy would share my urgency. I even gave God another choice in the matter: Change Andy’s heart OR change mine. If I’m seeing this whole thing wrong, fix me, God.
Well, He did. But not in the way I was expecting. God let me know, in no uncertain terms, that sharing this vision with Andy was my burden to bear.
So to fix me, He broke me.
In a flurry of words and tears, I laid it all out one Monday evening while I was making dinner. Before I was even done talking, Andy had made an appointment to have coffee with a friend of ours who, along with his wife, has fostered several children. By the end of the week, we had gone to an information meeting and shared our vision with Jackson and Parker.
In the information meeting, it became crystal clear that God’s plan for us is adoption. So, we are planning and pursuing the adoption of a school-age local boy. We don’t know who he is or when he will be ours, but I know that God does.
It has been amazing to live this story as it unfolds. We have several friends and family members who are adopted, and others who have adopted or have had the seed planted in their hearts, that someday they might. As time passes, more and more people join this little community of support. I am so grateful for them, especially after the months I spent feeling very alone.
We have completed our required training classes, background checks, health screenings, and the like. Tomorrow afternoon we are having our home study, and then we wait. In my last post, I talked about the valley ahead. For me, this time in waiting is the valley. Generally speaking, I don’t think I’m very good at waiting. But I have plenty to do to ready our home, so that this waiting time can be spent in active preparation.
The mountain on the other side of this valley is the work that we face when the waiting is over. Having another child physically present in our home is one thing. That’s what all of the pre-placement requirements have been for. The mountain ahead is the challenge that our family will meet together, embracing this new son and becoming a family.
(By the way, Andy shared the news in a video on his blog a while back. Give it a listen if you are interested in getting his perspective. It’s almost the same as mine. Almost.)
